System.exit()

"Its okay."

To him, Things were going downhill.
They had not spent much time together lately,
So He had offered to walk her back to her car.

And that was Her response. .

As much as he hated to believe it,
Intuition told him something was not right.

The coldness in Her tone suggested she was reluctant to spend time with Him.

He couldn't help but feel avoided as his mind was flooded with lousy feelings.
He had tried a few times to get across to Her and find out what was wrong.
Despite his efforts, All he got was a vague smile and insistence that "Its Nothing".

Is it really?. .

.

His mind was a Battlefield. Bombarded with Questions.

Questions only She would have the Answers to.

He did not want to make any assumptions. He wanted the truth.
He needed to know what was bothering her.

He was afraid of losing her. He wanted to set things right.

BUT HE DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE HAD GONE WRONG

He could only Assume:

She felt pressured to return his Love.
But, She could not return the Love he needed.
And thats where He had failed to understand.

Could his insecurity have ignited a Fear in her?

A Fear that would tell her, All good things come to an end.

A Fear, that He would leave Her for not returning his Love.

A Fear, that would soon corner Her into the decision to System.exit().

.

He stood there with eyes sunken into their sockets.
Powerless. As she walked away into the distance.
Without even turning to bid a second farewell like She used to. .
Without a hint that She still cared.

He was Hurting. Because Once upon a time, He was important to her.

He was Lost. He wanted to save them, but He couldn't do it alone.

He could not solve the Puzzle, As She held some of the pieces.

About 6324095662 dead brain cells later. .

His mind rummaged through the fragments of their Memories.

The Photographs of their Good times.

Even though She never said it directly.

He heard it then, through the Pet names and Things she had done for Him:

"Honeypot". . .

"Angie". . .

The Hand made cards for Christmas, His Birthday and Valentines.

The Chocolate Rose she inconvenienced herself to get for Him.

The Telephone calls to Wish him Goodnight and Sweet Dreams.

He Heard Her say it. . "I LOVE YOU"

But He was too late to hear it.

And so in Silence, He cried for Her.

He would have wanted her to know, She wasn't the only one in pain.

===========================================================

I know this isn't a very well structured post.

In fact it probably sounds like mindless babble.

But I'm sure theres others who can relate to this experience.

When we are cornered. The choices we make tend to be influenced by our emotions.

Fear is one which causes us to make rash decisions / Perform stupid actions.

This is the Story of a complicated Boy.

He had finally found a Girl whom he felt could understand him.

But he Lost Her. Fear of abandonment inevitably led to his abandonment. The Irony.

The Moral of this Story?

Your beloved can't always be there for you.

Sometimes you have to learn to let go.

But at the same time, Don't neglect your Loved one.

Its takes a balance.

And of course. .
Be Thankful whenever they've put an effort to do something for you.

Happy DeepRaya!

Just a simple note to say:

Happy Belated DeepRaya!

to everyone who celebrates the occasion.

PS:
Actually wanted to post this 2 days ago but my Internets been downed. Its back now but ridiculously slow.. -____- Either ways I hope you've all had a Great time with your Festivities.

Oh Yeah, I believe it was someones birthday too. Not sure if the fella wants to remain anonymous or not, or if i even got the date right. .

So ill just say Happy Birthday DocHoliday/BeefGoneBad/Ex-roomie.

*If I'm mistaken, Please do correct me.


Cheerios-

Sad Faces and Smiley Masks

Whoops.. Lazy Me, been a month since i last updated.

Been burning my time with activities to stop my hyperactive brain from thinking too much. Games, Sports, Gatherings, Whatever. It suck's to be haunted by your memories. Especially when you try so hard to put the past behind, only to have it come right back to stab you in the heart.

Love is like Dark Chocolate.

Sweet, With a Bitter Aftertaste.

This post tells a bit of the random thoughts running in my head.

But before I pour out all the lousy stuff.

Here are some highlights of the events that have occurred since the last post.

I'll skip the weekdays cos there's nothing really interesting happening then.

1. 5-7th Sept:

Monash Convocation, We've all waited a long year for this event. But the reason why it makes me happy is that I got to see my Dear Family and Friends who had gone overseas to pursue their futures.

Hands Held High

With Who?: Family & Friends

2. 12th Sept:

Day trip to Melaka, Left at 9 in the morning and reached there at 11. Instantly go to A Famosa Fort upon our arrival. Took LOTS of photos, not with my camera though. Headed down to Jonkers later that day for some Melakan Chicken Rice Balls & Chendol. Spent some time loitering around there.

By the Riverside Waterwheel

With Who?: Ricky, Ivona, Sook Jean, Sook Wei

3. 13th Sept:

My laptop Windows failed on me awhile back. It was running in an Infinite Blue Screen of Death loop. After 6 years of service, I am finally able to replace it with a new desktop from Lowyat thanks to the help of a friend of mine. Sure serves as a breeze of fresh air for me. Cos really, Its been awhile since I bought something new. Went for some Badminton later in the evening. Good ol' exercise. Can never get enough.

Don't have a picture of it, But this is the Casing

With Who?: Min Yean

3. 19th Sept:

Was supposed to go to Broga Hill for a climb today. Unfortunately I didn't sleep too well the night before so I wasn't able to get up at 5.45 in the morning. And I'm not exactly a morning person, especially when I don' get enough sleep. A friend of mine was kind enough to call me for lunch later that day though, even though i give aeroplane for the hill =__= hou paiseh. Thanks, I appreciate the company.

Disclaimer: This photo is property of Pixel Amour Photography

With Who?: Kok Mun

4. 25th Sept:

Arthur's Day was today. Originally planned to attend at Republic with some friends of mine. Apparently they were giving out free pairs of tickets for the Black Eyed Pea's Concert at Sunway Lagoon.

Here is Begins. . .

It was also the night of the Monash Ball 2009. Last years ball was an event that holds some very Dear Memories to me. There are some things that come to you when you least expect it.

She cheered me up when I was down.

Lifted my spirits when she was around.

My Friend, My Companion,

Someone I could really open up to.

Little did I expect our ties would falter.

Thank you For the Memories.

I know it won't be the same,

But I hope we won't be strangers.

Because that would just be childish.

"So give me reason. To be prove me wrong, To wash this memory clean."

RT#1. Why?

I couldn't really understand why it turned out this way. I guess theres just some questions you will never find the answers to until you discover your True Self. I failed to do so in the past.

I overlooked my flaws and never bothered to make self-improvements. To realize this, I had to fall down, really heard. A fall that snapped me to reality. There are some characteristics about a person that cannot simply be changed. But there are others which can. And by changing, Improving these characteristics, we evolve to cope better with society.

Believe me, I hate change. But this is one I'm willing to make.

RT#2. About Love and Awareness

"Love. True Love. Does it really exist?

Or is it all just Infatuation?"

I'd certainly like to believe so. I don't agree that infatuation is the limit to the human bond.

Here's what i figured:

1. Infatuation, is when you overlook a persons flaws and see them as the perfect person.

2. Love, is when both parties realize their flaws, But cant completely understand each other yet.

3. True Love, is when both parties realize, understand and accept each other for their flaws.

Where did I fall? Category 1 or 2? I don't know really.

All I can say is my "Seng Mok" (Awareness) was farking bad. So bad, I couldn't even tell if a person was angry or happy. I believe somewhere along the line it was even hinted to me, But being a "Seng Mok" virgin, I didn't realize it until I reflected on the hint about 3-4 months later =__=. In my shoes, Lets Just imagine its the as getting screwed by the guy in the photo below, Just because you were trying to be friendly when he was having a bad day.

He's Happy. Right?

But back on track. I cannot begin to stress how important awareness is. . I learned it the hard way. The ability to read people. This is one of my major flaws, I could not read peoples facial expressions. There are things we cant understand from just words coming out of a persons mouth. Facial Expressions are the bigger picture, So don't ignore them.

Dammit. . Why didn't I take Psychology as an Elective. .

Thats all for now, Time to grab some Grub