6 Telltale Symptoms of Panda Eye

Captain Obvious Strikes Again! . .

Panda Eye: Not to be confused with a movie parody of James bonds Golden Eye;

Panda Eye(s) is an affliction most people will experience at least once in their lives. Usually occurring due to a lack of sleep for a variety of reasons such as Insomnia, Assignment overload, addiction to TV drama, Football season, Emotional Stress and eating Hello Pandas.

Citation needed

Regardless, I believe deep inside we all fight a crusade against waking up after not getting enough sleep on the night before. I need not stress that restlessness is in the top 10 list of suckiest feelings in the world. If you don't agree with me, Heres a challenge. Lie down on your bed, Close your eyes, But don't sleep. Just, lie there until the next morning. It ain't a 100% guarantee, but you probably won't be in a very jovial mood the next day.

Symptoms of Panda Eye Include:

6 - Black Eyes

Last night must've been a Good Good Night huh?

The Peas have it, Therefore it's Cool.

Take a good look in the mirror.

Is there a discoloration of skin-tone beneath or around your eyes?

Do your eyes appear to be sunken into their sockets?

Did you Club Last night although you've got obligations the next morning, therefore preventing you from getting enough sleep?

If the answer is yes to either of these questions;

Chances are high that you have Panda Eye. (Hey, that last sentence rhymed. .)

The Solution: Modify the Human Genome to allow us to endure Sleepless nights. -OR- Spam Coffee

5 - The temptation to (Physically)Maul-to-Death the first person who pisses you off on the day to come.

Friendly word of advice: Keep your Distance

From personal experience, Panda Eye sometimes comes with the added effect of grouchiness. Sufferers will find that they are getting losing their patience and getting pissed off by everyday annoyances much easier than normal. It won't be surprising if you find yourself cussing at every little thing that stands in your way. Yes, that includes the person who just jumped you out of the blue on the highway.

Don't mess with Mr. Panda. .

The Solution: Avoid Human Contact -OR- Carry around a warning sign that says keep 10m away.

4 - Failure to Comply

The human brain, After a lack of sleep

A poorly rested human brain is the equivalent of a car with no wheels. It's just that hard to get your thoughts moving. A good example would be attending a lecture, and hearing every word that comes out of the lecturers mouth. But somehow, it just doesn't register. You walk out of lecture having learned nothing. You attention span would be comparable to that of a Goldfish. Might as well have stayed at home and slept longer instead.

The Solution: Stay in bed -OR- Sleep in class

3 - Slower Reflexes

Every try driving on a highway when you're sleeping? Long Distance or simply stuck in a Jam?

If you're really tired, It's possible to fall asleep with your eyes open. (I've heard the stories) This is no joke. If a car in front of you were to suddenly brake, be prepared to fork out some cash to an angry driver to get his bumper repaired. Alternatively. . If you wanted to be an ass you could just 'Maul' your frustration out on the fella, then drive off. . Which is probably why driving law tests always recommend you pull over and get a quick power nap if you're behind on your sleep.

Pictured above is a Car-Bed. Most likely to be located in your Bedroom. Remind me again why they haven't invented a Bed-Car? It would seem like a best seller design for congested roads.

But then again. . That might make traffic jams worse.

The Solution: Invent the Bed-Car and have it mass produced by 2012. Just in time to prepare for the prophecized end of the world so we can add Bed-Cars to the list of possible disasters.

2 - Not Responding

You're having a meal out with your friends. One person seem's to be quieter than the others. This could mean either one of two things. They either have a lot on their mind, or they're behind on sleep. When you try speak to them they just aren't responsive. Typical responses may include:

-Huh?.. What?

-Oh.. Okay

-Yeah

-Nope

-*Silence*

The Solution: Leave them alone. They just don't feel like talking. Probe and you shall incur their wrath. I quote Barney from HIMYM, True Story.

1 - Just 10 More Minutes

Shit.. The alarms ringing. Just 10 more minutes. *Hits the snooze button*

Next thing you know an hours past and you're going to be in quite a rush if you have any activities you're supposed to be doing on the following day.

This is extremely dangerous if the activity involves meeting up your loved one for breakfast (Especially if you're a guy), and you've left him/her waiting there for an hour. -OR- If you had a job interview that would have netted you a 5 digit salary. If it was the latter, you'd probably want to shoot yourself.

Heres an image of a gun so you can pretend to do so.

The Solution: Try using 3 Alarm Clocks. Set them in a triangle formation around you, and Have them ring at 30 minute intervals. Credits goes to Marc for this Idea : ) If it still fails then really no hope.

6 Annoyances About Commuting

It's another lovely day, where you get to go to work. Excited?

.

No? Yeah, figured.

If you're one of the lucky few with a workplace just opposite your house, Kudo's to you.

Some people are lucky enough to have a car. Others are misfortunate as they are helplessly cornered into using the Pubic Public Transportation System.

And if the Public transportation system is nowhere near reliable,

Say goodbye to your time wasted waiting.. waiting.. and waiting.. zZ

Lets face it, Commuting sucks.

It doesn't matter what mode of transport you use.

6. Anti-Meter Taxis

And so the day starts off. There aren't any Bustops or Train Stations near your place. Whats the next best option? Flag a taxi, To get to the public transport.

Picture not related

Heres the part where you Roll an Imaginary 5 sided Dice. (Numbers run 1-5)

Rolled a 5? Thats great! You've found a Taxi that charges you by the meter. Honest Taxi Drivers like these deserve a tip.

4? Hey, This Taxi uses a meter too! Aren't you feeling lucky? Sit back, take a nap, enjoy the ride. Eventually you reach your destination. Either one of two things just happened.

1. Lets just say there is usually more than one route to your workplace. You just went the long way.
2. The meter is just a toy. You're still getting charged a flat rate thats 150% of the actual price for the distance you just travelled. This is by the way, the same as rolling any number between 1-3.

Dammit, Biased Die

Wait, Why?

Apparently, Some taxi drivers wages are barely enough for them to sustain a living. The extra charge also pays off for money they've lost while stuck in 'traffic jams'* during the journey. Guess we could think of it as charity. Every extra buck they make easens their daily burden.

* *Cough* Bullshit *Cough*

5. Sardines (People Jams)

Finally, The Train station. Before you step on, here's a chance to breathe and cooldown from any rage you may have after being ripped off by the taxi.
Or not..

"You and I, We're not so Different. ."

Comfort is not in the dictionary of the Public transportation system. Keep in mind this doesn't just happen on trains, but on busses too. Too often you'd be stuck standing all the way, smelling the armpit of someone with really bad BO.

That isn't the worst part. People often force their way in, Because they don't want to be screwed by their bosses for turning up late at the office. While forcing their way in, Train operators often encourage passengers move to the center of the train to allow others to board.

This creates a new problem. Now you have to force your way out, with the added risk that you won't make it anyway since its rush hour, and people will be pushing their way in.

Can't really blame the train operators, They do make an effort. Very often announcements are made to boarding passengers, encouraging them to make way for alofting passengers before barging their way in.

Unfortunately, This is to no avail as these operators do NOT have the same level of influence as Denzel Washington in Pelham 123.

"Please allow passengers to alight before boarding."

Wait, Why?

People would rather squeeze than wait a few minutes for another train. Because it probably won't make much difference if they do.

4. Transports Not Arriving/Leaving on Schedule

You wake up not-so-restless, Get dressed, and Rolled a 5 with the taxi.

Feeling lucky? For once things are going your way.

. . Then Murphys (pessimistic) Law kicks in. You reach the bus stop, but the bus is nowhere to be seen. Then you wait, for what seems like forever.

That's right, Snooze.

Just make sure you wake up when the bus arrives.

Sooner or later, the public transport arrives. Still feeling lucky? Good, you're on the way to work. There may however be the alternative of the Bus Driver taking a tea break. This of course means you have to wait even longer. But you can't blame him/her, Everyone needs a rest. Something to ponder about,

"The world would be a better place if busses were automated."

Wait, Why?

Two possible reasons:

• It rained, so a traffic jam
• It didn't rain, but theres a traffic jam
• The bus driver won't drive until the traffic jam vanishes
• They're waiting for more passengers so they can pack em like sardines

Not sure if the next point is better or worse. .

3. Public Transport Services, Jumping You

This doesn't happen everywhere. (Or does it?) If a bus is packed like a can of sardines, theres no room for anyone else. So the bus ignores its designated stop and continues on with its jouney. Ok, Thats justified. But sometimes. .

Wait. . Isn't that a disabled person sign?

The public transport just jumps you for seemingly no reason. A totally empty bus, or train. I've personally seen it happen, and I'm pretty sure there was no label to indicating that particular carriage is exclusively for the disabled.

Wait, Why?

Just a wild guess, There's more than one stop every bus/train has to make.

Lets call them stops A, B, .., G. Now lets imagine,

- Pick up 50 People at stop A

- Drop 4 People at stop B, Pick up another 15

- Reach stop C, and theres no space because no one gets off.

Stop C never gets a chance unless an empty bus/train jumps stops A/B to get there. Comprende?

Another scenario. No Taxi's? No Bus? You're forced to. .

2. Take a Walk

It took only 5 minutes with public transport. Shouldn't take much longer on foot right?

.

LEFT! WRONG!

Actually. . It might not be so bad to own one of these:

A Honda Walking Assist

Not to get all Mathematical, but here's the facts:

Travel 5 minutes in a Bus going at 60 km/h. You just travelled 5 km.

The average human walks at 5 km/h. (Citation needed)

You probably figured out by now how long the walk would take.

On the flip side, walking is healthy since you burn calories.

But on some days, It just wont do.

Fortunately, The kid has a bicycle

Wait, Why?

Impatience kicked in. If only you'd waited a little longer,

Because the bus WILL overtake you.

1. The Traffic Jam

All that work has finally paid off. Congratulations, you have enough to purchase a car. No more sardining, taxi charity, walking in the rain, and time wasted waiting for public transports. Hooray!

Sadly, theres still the Universal Problem known as the Traffic Jam,

The Vehicle version of Sardines.

Don't you just love those shift-the-car-out-of-the-carpark puzzles?

Here's the live action version

The traffic jam is probably the root cause of many delay's during your daily commute. Best way to avoid it? Wake up really early. But hey. . Lets be realistic, How long can you keep it up before the fatigue takes it's toll on your body? If your answer is forever, you have my respect.

Wait, Why?

Just an opinion, Most commuters eventually get sick of taking public transportation. So, they buy cars and indulge in the comfort. When theres too many cars on the roads, The roads become the equivalent of a Bus/Trains. The cars on become the equivalent of the people cramped into that Bus/Train.

On the Brightside, At least in a car it's not so claustrophobic.